Those Phrases shared by A Parent Which Rescued Us when I became a Brand-New Parent

"I believe I was just trying to survive for a year."

One-time Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the challenges of being a father.

However the truth quickly became "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Severe health issues around the birth saw his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Suddenly he was thrust into becoming her main carer in addition to caring for their infant son Leo.

"I took on every night time, every nappy change… each outing. The job of both parents," Ryan shared.

Following nearly a year he became exhausted. It was a chat with his father, on a park bench, that helped him see he couldn't do it alone.

The straightforward phrases "You aren't in a good place. You must get support. How can I support you?" created an opening for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and start recovering.

His story is far from unique, but rarely discussed. While society is now more comfortable discussing the stress on moms and about PND, not enough is spoken about the challenges fathers encounter.

'It's not weak to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his challenges are part of a broader inability to open up among men, who often internalise negative perceptions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the harbour wall that just gets smashed and remains standing every time."

"It is not a sign of weakness to seek help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health pre and post childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to admit they're having a hard time.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - particularly in front of a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental health is just as important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad gave him the opportunity to take a break - spending a couple of days away, outside of the home environment, to see things clearly.

He understood he needed to make a adjustment to focus on his and his partner's feelings alongside the practical tasks of caring for a infant.

When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -physical connection and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has changed how Ryan perceives parenthood.

He's now writing Leo letters each week about his experiences as a dad, which he wishes his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the language of feelings and understand his approach to fatherhood.

The idea of "self-parenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen was without reliable male guidance. Even with having an "wonderful" connection with his dad, long-standing emotional pain resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "in and out" of his life, affecting their bond.

Stephen says bottling up emotions caused him to make "poor decisions" when he was younger to alter how he felt, turning in drink and drugs as an escape from the anguish.

"You turn to things that aren't helpful," he says. "They may briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Advice for Managing as a New Dad

• Share with someone - if you're feeling swamped, tell a family member, your partner or a counsellor what you're going through. Doing so may to ease the pressure and make you feel less isolated.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the pursuits that made you feel like the person you were before having a baby. Examples include exercising, seeing friends or playing video games.
• Look after the body - eating well, staying active and if you can, sleep, all play a role in how your mental state is doing.
• Meet other new dads - sharing their stories, the messy ones, and also the good ones, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that requesting help isn't failing - taking care of your own well-being is the optimal method you can care for your household.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the loss, having not spoken to him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead offer the stability and emotional support he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they try "shaking it out" together - managing the frustrations constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become better, healthier men because they acknowledged their issues, changed how they communicate, and learned to control themselves for their children.

"I'm better… processing things and managing things," states Stephen.

"I wrote that in a note to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I said, sometimes I feel like my purpose is to teach and advise you how to behave, but in reality, it's a dialogue. I am discovering just as much as you are on this path."